too legit to quit

ladyren: lethal-cuddles: bad-fandom-things: such-justice-wow: lethal-cuddles: Anyway, cancel...

Thu, 11 Apr 2019 23:05:58 -0400

lethal-cuddles:

bad-fandom-things:

such-justice-wow:

lethal-cuddles:

Anyway, cancel culture is toxic af and needs to die

Cancel culture is a terrifying 1 strike and you’re out system with no ability to say your side or even have your side of events acknowledged.

Cancel culture is even worse when it digs up things people did years ago that hey have apologized and no longer stand for

It’s awful honestly. We’ve all done or said ignorant or hurtful things at some point in our lives. The idea that somebody could bring up something we said or did in the past that we’re personally ashamed of today, and use it to vilify us, it a terrifying one.

There’s another reason why “cancelling” somebody over something they said or did years ago that they no longer stand by is awful as well. If a person is condemned for something they did in the past, regardless of how much time has passed, then what motivation do people have to change?

And also, everyone fucks up. But you can always do better, and we need to make space for people who want to be better.

hey gamers

Thu, 11 Apr 2019 21:32:23 -0400

ymirsbian:

amaniaclikenoizagain:

ymirsbian:

how do i add a gf to my inventory?

You don’t! She’s obvs not an item, but a new party member, so maybe you were looking in the wrong menu all along ?

steampunkr0ss: YALL IM SCREAMING. WHAT DID I MAKE

Tue, 09 Apr 2019 17:43:13 -0400

steampunkr0ss:

YALL IM SCREAMING. WHAT DID I MAKE

hot take for men

Tue, 09 Apr 2019 08:46:02 -0400

thatdiabolicalfeminist:

thatdiabolicalfeminist:

if you have kids, you should make a point to keep up with how they’re doing in school, who their friends are, what they like to eat, what they can’t eat, their medications and why/when/how they take them, their daily routines, what their chores are and if they need any help with them, the interests that are important to them, the things they struggle with, etc., etc.

you should have a rough idea of when your kid will need new glasses, when their last dental appointment was, how long they’ve been complaining about certain symptoms, what their usual mood is like at different times of the day so you NOTICE when something is wrong.

you should know how to listen to them and encourage them and you need to learn how to teach skills and good habits and motivate without instilling fear. you should know what makes them feel better when they’re sick and how to comfort them when they’re afraid or angry or sad.

if you’re the parent of an infant, you should make a point to learn how to tell what your baby needs. if they use formula, you should know what kind. you should know their nappy/diaper size and what products (powder/ointment/etc.) keep their bottom happy.

you should also be keeping track of when things your kid needs are running low, and making sure they are gotten in a timely manner.

if your children are members of oppressed groups you’re not part of – if you have a daughter, or a trans child and you’re cis, or an autistic child and you’re allistic, or a racialized child and you’re white, etc. – you need to take the time to research, to read what adults who share that trait say your kid needs. you need to actively support your child and help shield them from the hatred and enforced roles they will receive elsewhere.

these are the kinds of things a good parent does. you should not get a pass on being a good parent just because you’re a dude and you “don’t understand/aren’t good at that stuff”. this excuse is incredibly common and it is unacceptable.

women read parenting books, go on forums, talk to doctors, join parenting groups, ask other parents questions, and spend time with their children. we are not born with childcare knowledge any more than you are; it is work to learn these things. sometimes you will mess up. that is part of the learning process; it does not mean you “just don’t get that kind of thing” and should never have to do it again.

not only is it unfair to expect the women in your life to shoulder this work alone, but it is unfair to your children to be in their lives AS a parent but not do parenting work. Your kids need you. They need you to step up and LEARN to do the work that you haven’t been expected to do before.

Do you know how many people grow up and just… don’t have relationships with their fathers? maybe you don’t, either. it’s not always because these fathers were violent or mean or hateful. Sometimes it’s because they just never bothered to be parents or build a good relationship with their child. Don’t let your kids go through that. Don’t make them grow up with a mostly uninvolved stranger for a father.

And if you are not willing to do all this work, maybe you should plan to not have children, and take steps to make sure that you don’t. It isn’t acceptable to make a choice to bring a new human being into the world and take on a parenting role, then be around them only as a stranger.

There are different standards for motherhood and fatherhood, and that hurts children. What we think of as “motherhood” is mostly just good parenting for any gender, with extra dashes of self sacrifice because we expect women to be sole providers of certain kinds of work and care.

If you want to figure out if you’re being a good parent, put yourself in your child’s shoes and imagine you are their mother, not their father. Would you be happy with a mom who was only willing to put in the amount of work you do?

Some people in the notes are concerned that I’m painting with too broad a brush by addressing this to “men” and not to, say, “deadbeat dads”.

Here’s the thing, though: the societal standards for fatherhood are such that you can avoid doing literally all of the very basic work listed above and still be considered a pretty decent dad.

If you live with your kids or arrange regular visitation and are in the same room with them from time to time and talk to them casually without ever being abusive, most people will figure you’re doing a decent job. To be a deadbeat most people figure you have to completely abandon them or not pay part of their bills. Hell, you can even be abusive and people will say “Well at least he’s not a deadbeat! He does pay child support.”

I’m not saying you guys are ALL doing the bare minimum, but we do have this pervasive fiction that fathers are supposed to do different things than mothers, that there are two separate roles and one of them involves keeping up with day-to-day details and helping the kid with their emotional growth and basic needs, while the other involves making money, being kinda distant and occasionally “babysitting” or Teaching You Things About Cars/Camping/Other Man Stuff.

And it’s not fair. It’s not fair to anyone involved – the mothers who do extra work, the kids who don’t get to really know their dads, or the fathers who miss out on the full joys and complexities of parenthood.

This post isn’t MEANT for “deadbeat dads”. This post is meant for dads who genuinely want to be good parents but live in a society that tells them being a good parent is different for men. This post is a gentle encouragement to see your role in your children’s lives as bigger and more important, every bit as significant as a mother’s role and requiring every bit as much work.

You can get defensive, or you can look around and see if there are things you’ve been leaving for others to do because no one has ever expected that you would be interested in that part of your child’s life.

It’s very, very likely that the women in your life have been quietly doing things you didn’t even know needed to be done for your kids, because they, too, have just assumed that a man wouldn’t want to do that part of parenting. It takes proactive work to take back the parts of parenthood that society has not assigned to you – but it’s rewarding work and it will make your relationship with your kids so much stronger and more meaningful.

amuseoffyre: cryingcucumber: saltybuttcombo: Maybe “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before” is...

Mon, 08 Apr 2019 23:29:46 -0400

amuseoffyre:

cryingcucumber:

saltybuttcombo:

Maybe “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before” is “””heteronormative””” but it’s about healthy relationships, stars an Asian lead and an all Asian family (except the dad,) has a loving single dad, and even tho there’s another female rival she doesn’t put the other girl down by calling her a skank.

We need more movies with gay leads but young girls who are gonna date boys need to see healthy examples so I’ll happily watch it multiple times and read the books. Good job Netflix and Jenny Han.

also white gays calling movies with poc leads “normative” is really unhelpful

Just because it’s not queer doesn’t mean it’s not providing representation for another marginalised demographic.

BOTH MY BBYS WON TONIGHT !!!!

Mon, 08 Apr 2019 00:44:54 -0400

BOTH MY BBYS WON TONIGHT !!!!

aj-mac21: Seth is the Universal Champion

Sun, 07 Apr 2019 19:29:29 -0400

aj-mac21:

Seth is the Universal Champion

hasan-minhaj: Chris Evans for A Starting PointHis idea for the...

Sun, 07 Apr 2019 00:37:47 -0400

hasan-minhaj:

Chris Evans for A Starting Point
His idea for the website came from his own search for a straightforward source of information on the issues without any spin: “I just thought, ‘Why isn’t there a place I can go to hear both sides of an issue in a succinct way that I can trust?’” the actor notes in his video.
“It’s a one-stop shop for simple digestible information from people who know best,” Evans explains.

Photo

Fri, 05 Apr 2019 08:05:04 -0400

bishego-archive: if you read this you’re cute no take backs

Fri, 05 Apr 2019 08:04:34 -0400

bishego-archive:

if you read this you’re cute no take backs

blackqueerblog: So true. “Science should not be partisan”

Thu, 04 Apr 2019 21:42:51 -0400

blackqueerblog:

So true. “Science should not be partisan”

her-violet-eyes: i just want a girl to hold my hand and tell me i’m pretty is that too much to ask

Wed, 03 Apr 2019 19:13:31 -0400

her-violet-eyes:

i just want a girl to hold my hand and tell me i’m pretty is that too much to ask

ladywithviolets: Not to be gay but I kinda wanna kiss a girl right now

Wed, 03 Apr 2019 19:11:53 -0400

ladywithviolets:

Not to be gay but I kinda wanna kiss a girl right now

sparkly-angell: Just watched Captain Marvel and frankly? Im a little disapointed at Marvel Fandom...

Tue, 02 Apr 2019 22:35:07 -0400

sparkly-angell:

Just watched Captain Marvel and frankly? Im a little disapointed at Marvel Fandom rn.
Why is no one freaking out about Carol and Maria ??? I MEAN?? WHY DIDNT I SEE ANYONE SHIPPING THEM?
BUT OOHH NO, WHEN CAP AMERICA AND TONY SHAKE HANDS THE TUMBLR EXPLODES BC “aw look how cute they are gay”
WTF PEOPLE WE HAVE A LEsbiaN COUPLE JUST BAKED OUT OF THE OVEN WAITING FOR US TO FREAK OUT AND??? I HEAR NOTHING?
Utterly disapointed.

avengers-posts:

Tue, 02 Apr 2019 20:12:26 -0400

avengers-posts:

kellisanth: Be sure to give yourself at least twenty two days of movie/date nights to prepare for...

Tue, 02 Apr 2019 20:06:22 -0400

kellisanth:

Be sure to give yourself at least twenty two days of movie/date nights to prepare for the finale. Or binge the weekend.
***
One month until the new @Avengers is out… You’re going to need 45 HOURS AND 15 MINUTES to be fully updated! Happy viewing 🍿 #AvengersEndgame
https://twitter.com/smallzy/status/1110071897771798528

swingsetindecember: callioscope: old-school-butch: mothermayhem: femmenace: Does this sound...

Tue, 02 Apr 2019 18:12:53 -0400

swingsetindecember:

callioscope:

old-school-butch:

mothermayhem:

femmenace:

Does this sound familiar to anyone else?

Your mom is always doing all the chores and housework. Your father is there, but he won’t help without an ordeal. You have a brother, but he ignores your mom’s requests and locks himself in his room immediately after school and after dinner. Exhausted, your mom turns to you and asks for help.

When you were a child and were asked to help, you always used to point to your brother and whine, “but why doesn’t HE have to?” What you couldn’t see was that he would inevitably refuse, throw tantrums, and do a purposefully bad job, which your mother would wind up having to do over again anyway. In this way, asking your brother (or father, even) to do a task doubles the time it takes to complete it. And your mother has come to understand this. So although she will call both of you and give you both chores, she only enforces it with you. Because despite the fact that you hate it, as every child does, you do not act like your brother. Your chores get done, not without whining, but they get thoroughly done.

When you got older, you’d do what she requested without whining.

Now, years after that, you don’t even have to be asked.

You are keenly aware that only half of the people in the house do the chores. That half is all female. You and your mom. You resent this, but you love your mother, and will always help her. When there is a family gathering, there is still that gendered split. Again, you resent this, but you care about your mother, and her mother, and your aunts, so you will always help them.

And that’s how it was for your mother when she was a girl. And hers. And you realize that this is probably how it has always gone, that this is how things came to be how they are. And what can you do about it? Nothing, except for picking up the next dirty dish and taking solace in the knowledge that you are not alone in your anger.

This is something I noticed when I was nannying. The female child was always “so helpful!” Because it never even occurred to her that she could say no. She did what grownups asked her to do. The male child would mouth off, throw tantrums, get violent, and even threaten self-injury because you asked him to put his laundry in the drawers. (Except, of course, when his father asked.) It never even occurred to the girl to act that way. It certainly never occurred to her that she’d get what she wanted if she did.

Except it did occur to her to protest or tantrum, years ago, and she was punished for disobeying, while her brother’s resistance was not. We learn early on that the rules are different for us than they are for boys. We learn at such a young age that we forget how we were punished and praised and molded to this path, and thus our obedience seems natural to everyone around us, including ourselves.

And in addition to being punished more for disobeying, female children have empathy for the older women who slave over the housework all alone, and feel compelled to help them out of kindness. Male children don’t feel this because they’ve internalized ideas about the inferiority and subservience of women, and are already learning to see this as morally ok.

this happens at work! i replaced a male coworker when he got promoted. and found out he never did the admin work the job required. much to the frustration of the quality manager and admin who were both women. they ask me, i do it. it needs to be done but he would literally tell them he wasn’t doing it. it was part of the job he didnt like and he said no? and no repercussions. he got promoted! and i am like still reeling over it because if i just said no to a part of my job i would get fired.

Warning to writers

Sun, 31 Mar 2019 22:57:25 -0400

hookslovelyswan:

vorpalgirl:

freshest-tittymilk:

jenniferrpovey:

athelind:

jenniferrpovey:

breelandwalker:

bodaciousbanshee:

more-legit-gr8er-writing-tips:

the960writers:

zoemay8500:

glorious74:

konekat:

oldmanyellsatcloud:

lunamax1214:

rosey-buddy:

paranerdia:

While you are worrying about whether beta readers will steal your ideas, there is a more genuine threat on the horizon.

When offered a publishing contract, please do all your research before you sign. There are a number of fakes and scammers out there, as well as good-intentioned amateurs that don’t know how to get your work to a wide audience. I won’t tell the heartbreaking stories here - there are too many.

Being published badly is worse than being never published.

It can destroy your career and your dreams.

The quick check is to google the publishing house name + scam or warning.

But, to be sure, check with these places first. They aren’t infallible (nothing is) but they can help you protect yourself. They are written and maintained by expereinced writers, editors, publishers and legal folks.

Absolute Write: Bewares and Background Checks

Preditors and editors

Writer Beware

and the WRITER BEWARE blog

Keep yourself and your work safe.

This is really important, so if you are a writer or have writer friends, or you are a writing blog, please reblog it.

Just to let you know, PublishAmerica changed their name to America Star Books.

HEAD’S UP, WRITER TYPES: THIS IS AN IMPORTANT PSA!

Also applies to many so-called freelance sites that are just content mills, and may not pay unless your work is used, even if the contract seems designed otherwise.

Listen, reading these is like legit reading horror stories. When it comes to publishing your writing, always, always, ALWAYS do your research. Not only will it help you avoid scams, but it will also be likely to help you land a much better fit for an agent/publisher/whatever. Knowing more is never going to hurt.

Omg!!! Thanks for the warning! Writers— reblog!

I’ve heard stories like this that are scarier than horror stories. This is an all time worst nightmare for a writer. Everyone reblog and make sure you keep your work safe!

Always, ALWAYS check Writer Beware. Let me also recommend Kristine Kathryn Rusch’s blog about contracts and contract scams for authors in her section Business Musings.

Reblogging again for the links.
Also check pred-ed.com and the Absolute Write forum. Then google Publisher’s name + scam and see what comes up.
Do NOT use the BBB ratings, they are wholly unsuitable for rating publishers and regularly give A ratings to well-known publishing scams.
You can also read my own post on publishing scams, have a link on the left of my blog ( can’t link here, I’m on mobile, sorry).

@korrigu

SUPER IMPORTANT PSA!

Equally important to know is that you can SELF-PUBLISH through a number of platforms these days. @ean-amhran and I used Amazon’s CreateSpace and Kindle Direct Publishing to publish both of our books. No editors, no contracts, no finagling with publishers who want to change your materials. Just direct-to-market material.

(Granted, it means you’ve got to do a LOT more work yourself with editing and formatting and cover art, but it’s worth it to miss the headache of trying to bargain with publishing houses or avoid scams.)

Be vigilant, fellow writers!

If you choose to self publish then HAVE A PLAN and think things through.

And hire an editor. Please, for the love of all that is holy, hire an editor. It’s expensive, but you will get a better book out, a better reputation…

If you’re going to publish electronically, make sure you also get someone who can LAY AN EBOOK OUT PROPERLY.

I have spent money on Kindle books, many of them reprints of older works, whose formatting is so messed up as to render them unreadable.

I actually recommend using the Smashwords Style Guide even if you don’t use Smashwords.

It lays out how to neatly format an e-book in a wonderful step by step format, and you can get it free from Smashwords. Just leave off the couple of things that are (very obviously) Smashwords specific.

If you can’t stand dealing with the meticulous detail, then by all means hire somebody, but most people can learn to format an ebook correctly and once you’ve done it a couple of times it takes about an hour tops.

@ghdos spread the knowledge

Because the redirects aren’t working for me, I’m going to assume others might have trouble with these links, so for those who need it the URL for the website to Writer Beware is:

www.sfwa.org/other-resources/for-authors/writer-beware/

As stated on here: “Writer Beware is sponsored by the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America, with additional support from the Mystery Writers of America, the Horror Writers Association, and the American Society of Journalists and Authors.”

These are not publishers’ guilds, notice; you sometimes see scammers trying to defend themselves against Writer Beware exposes by claiming that they’re “small press” or “indie” and Big Publishing is somehow out to get them - but all of those guilds are run by and for writers, to help support them and represent them in the field. It is the closest writers have to having unions, and there’s no direct competition between them (you could literally be an in any of those guilds are the same time as each other, in addition to others, and I believe a number of authors are).

Writer Beware is a wonderful resource, and I highly recommend it. It’s both a good general guide to the scams people run/red flags to watch out for (such as giving up your copyright entirely as opposed to specific rights, or being charged to publish something or have it edited, when they’re trying to act like they’re a “normal” publisher), and a frequently-updated list of the latest specific known scammers, both in “fake agents” and fake/scammy publishers categories. (The company formerly known as Publish America is one of the most famous and egregious cases, but by far not the only one)

Additionally, for SF and fantasy writers, the SFWA’s own list of qualifying markets that one can be published in as a prerequisite to be able to get into their guild (remember, it IS a profession-based guild), is a great guide to normal markets for those genres that have standard contracts that aren’t abusive or scammy, and their guidelines include some of the industry-standard minimums for “per word” etc rates, so even if some new magazine market isn’t on their list, you can tell if it’s suspiciously far outside the usual per-word or whatnot standards. (It’s likely the guidelines for Mystery Writers of America etc also would be useful in that vein)

Even if you’re unpublished or don’t want to join their guild, they’re a wonderful group and resource, and I highly recommend their site and Writer Beware in particular!

The other sites mentioned above, such as “Preditors and Editors” should be still valid if you Google them, and are often rec’d by Writer Beware, but Writer Beware is the one I’m most familiar with. :)

Also, you should never have to pay an agent or anyone a “reading fee”! DO NOT PAY PEOPLE TO READ YOUR WORK!!! Run away from so-called agents that charge a reading fee! They are considered unethical in their own industry!

Also related to agents: Should you go this route and seek one, DO NOT PAY ONE DIME TO THEM upfront! A real agent only gets paid when he sells your book to a publisher! The average cut is about 10-15% of the first sale profits, if I remember right, with cuts of film and other rights maybe being more, when sold. At most, writers should only be responsible for the costs of phone calls and postage.

For more information see: How Literary Agents Get Paid. Standard Commission Practices and Payments for Literary Agents

Edited to Add:
Some other great, highly respected resources for writing and getting published are:

Writer’s Digest

The Writer

Writer’s Market

texnessa: mediamattersforamerica: WOW. Watch these 3 minutes...

Sun, 31 Mar 2019 16:55:58 -0400

texnessa:

mediamattersforamerica:

WOW. Watch these 3 minutes from Dallas sportscaster Dale Hansen talking about what Trump doesn’t understand about the national anthem and the right to protest. Compare this to any right-wing media whining and that’s why this is one to remember.

Dale Hansen is a fucking treasure. He admitted he was a childhood victim of sexual abuse in the hopes that it would encourage others to come forward and seek help. He has been an ardent supporter of scholar-athletes and of gay players in the NFL and of trans athletes.

“I’m not always comfortable when a man tells me he is gay; I don’t understand his world. But I do understand that he is part of mine.”

aspec-mogai: happy tdov to all trans peopleto trans mento trans womento nonbinary pals

Sun, 31 Mar 2019 16:50:45 -0400

aspec-mogai:

happy tdov to all trans people
to trans men
to trans women
to nonbinary pals